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    June i 3> 1868.J THE TOMAHAWK. 2 43

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    NEWS! JSTEWS! NEWS!

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    Every (from one who a very reads speciou...

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  • Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.

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    June I 3> 1868.J The Tomahawk. 2 43

    June i 3 > 1868 . J THE TOMAHAWK . 2 43

    News! Jstews! News!

    NEWS ! JSTEWS ! NEWS !

    Every (From One Who A Very Reads Speciou...

    Every ( from one who a very reads specious the papers correspondent , that is to say . ) every one lack who can of news read at , must certain have portion been s often of the depressed year . When by the Emperors terrible and cruelly nations debarred obstinatel from y refuse all chance to go of to war receiving , and therefore as a relish we are for breakfast Battle ! those Defea pleasing t of ly the exciting telegram ! ! 175 , s headed Killed " Great and Wounded Honourable !!! M " embers —when of Imperial the House Parliament of Commons is not sitting cannot , and submit the

    ilUJlUUJdUlC XViClIIL » C 13 Ul LUG iiUUSC \ JL V _ VSllXlll «_ riX 9 l « CUlXl \ Jb juuuilt to Parliamentary us that ever language -varying 1 but "—when never we -fati can guing no longer puzzle , beguile " What the is brious sweet hour names of which mid-day have leisure been by counting lied to the the Prime number Minister of oppro of - this glorious country in one night app by an assembly of its choicest humble gentlemen and , — conscientious when no charitable endeavour and benevolent to do what individual he can towards , in a his nis providing ieiiow fellow some creature creature food commits commits for the excitement Horrible -craving ivturaer Murder stomachs / 1 bears of

    upon his ~ shoulders --ss the , , whole burden a a " jnornate of an " Awful Traged . " or y ucars ! !" fill or , if some his genius spare is corner not capable with such of these a trifling high flights contribution , is content as a duced " Shocking to treating Suicide us "— to in such fact bread , when and our scrape leading as newspaper four columns is re of - a Historicus sheet of S ' researches . G . O . ' s amiable in Encyclopaedias twaddle , or and twenty Blue -thre Books e letters , or half on the tne price price of 01 pork porK--chops cnops in in some some retirea retired village viuage in in Cornwall v ^ ornwau ; ; when wnen

    pelled that genteel to send two- a penny special nightcap commissioner ( the Pall disguised Mali Gazette in beer ) is , com and - suffering from a temporary paroxysm of morality , to the Cider cheaper Cellars ; form and s the of copy low " gobbled penny paper up by , " its in betters despair , has at to seeing despatch the an a successful unlimited novelist capacity with for salary a limited , to do knowled the Continent ge of Eng , and lish retail , and his XX 1 O hotel liUlCl sold bill UlXl readers , j CL at L , five XX V W pounds JJ in ISU . short XXU . O each ^> aVll when item Xlt ~ XXX , y for iUl the 111 V / dull benefit UfV ^ XXV and ^ lJ-U of WJ there . their bll ^ lX

    wholly-, — , things are , ' s positivel does not y turn " with news pardon , " there able is irritation no one , from howev the er disappointing patient , who happens sheet , and to be exclaim reading , on . the stupidity of the journal he or she Monday Sitting , " in engaged the calm in retirement guessing , of but my no own sy arm llable -chair expressing on Whit to - allude the fowl to whose the i fiery of eyes bird now ' s- burned to which into my poverty bosom xxctki ' s core reduced "—I

    aiiuuc L \ J lliw p J- » 1 pe JJI _ yjx JL » n u o-fcj eye ' V . iw » y uiuii |< w vvi uji x ^ uuvv . u me Times —having . ( lent to in read vain for tried two to hours get ) my engaged penny- in worth guessing out of where the rejecting the Paris the correspondent somewhat fantastic of that idea excellent that he paper lay buried could under live , the statue in Leicester square , and communicated his funeral then gossip lapsing by mean into s of vague Mr . Home musing ' s rapparees , suddenly , , b gave y a flash it up of ; and inbecome away CL sp iration cLy poverty UUVUIY at , the idea as A 3 I X li benefactor g now 11 hted UW puff LJ on LXXJ . my of away d > W brain CL Jf the U 1 , " Wh cloud U and 1 UUU y should of Ul smoke w > Ulv not ; iVV , j 1 I puff and CIJ . J . V 4 .

    once a myself my species " I will my — grand my mind invention is bi . g with I will its supp purpose ly the ! I gaping will deliver mouth myself s of the of hal hungry will f provide the public year a , and never with lacking the -ceasing stimulating which torrent they of diet starve sensation on which the , other on they wh half ich thrive the ; I g year iddy without mind shall any be shallow whirled or from calm January water intervening to December ! But every must firstlike maother irants for fame and monebefore

    lllUiS t iLl £ > l * , } -IXZW * lilAIi ny UTIXJ . \* X asp C * O £ SXJ . CVXXbtaJ J . W-1 . AUUiV W 11 U JLll \ SW * y , UW 1 U 1 W ' me , get will my this Company look at . the head of the prospectus ?—THE GRAND UNITED GREAT BRITAIN AND IRELAND COMPANY , ( Limited ^)

    FOR SUPPLYING INTELLIGENCE TO DESTITUTE JOURNALS AND NEWSPAPERS . b That which is innocent I intend to work inve our ntive end en . ough . Now for the means y By getting up canards ^ and contradicting them next clay ?

    of Oh that no ! : besides That would not fool pay could ; the do public that . The would Globe soon has get done tired , any together it—often . and No go ! my about idea the is to country get a company committing of jolly sensational fellows subscribed crimes—in most the slack should season have , the of news course of . the The crime newspaper telegrap that hed to its office first of all—before it was committed if necessary , and aiiu the 111 c for WLiiei others o novel ill in . their uicii incidents proper fJLKJjj ^ i . turn lux ix , , crime with niui would variations vaiiauuiia last ( ^ week extra auu .

    charge very ) . One a one at least on would this princi be made ple , with to contradict details properl another y filled so decidedl out , and that of a very the paper public horrible mind murder might ) for be nearl kept on a fortni the stretch ght . For ( in instance the case y , three some quiet of the village Company in Wales ' s servant . One s , let confederate us say , would would go remain down to at the agreed 500 500 nearest ior for on t the . telegraph reiusai refusal The Times 01 of station tne the , let next next us , to suppose sensation sensation send off , has the produced paid news on by at tne the Saturday the time

    pany ^ . & . On ne Monday morning , just in time proaucea for its first oy edition com Com-- , arrives this telegram : — " Mysterious Murder at Penrhymmom ! " Late on Sunday evening a shepherd , returning home across the of two hills gentlemen , discovered who on had the evidentl summit of been Penrh barbarousl ymmom y murdered bodies . other Their j . iiv ^ ii j heads . * . \ , a . \ Azj had iiau stick been uvcii hacked Aia . v ^ rt . ^ 14 . vsn off , , and auu were vv >_ j . k , p £ jiclv laced ~ cu their each cav ^ u on v blood / 11 the tile

    stained ' s walking features - . A , blue a ghastl parasol y grin and a ghting packet up of sandwiches - were found at a short distance . " with Then this , in additional time for the information second edition : — , would arrive a despatch , " The Horrible Murder at Penrhymmom ! gentlemen gVll " llVlU The two who »* 11 heads U left XLll . have Gl \^ Il . Jf yddf UUljr been ydd UU . jr ym recognised . lll for 1 VSL Penrh J . till as 11 ymmom ^ U belong 1 UIU 1 U ing on \ J 1 ± Sunday tJUilUd to two

    known morning yet , accompanied whose the bodies by a lad are y . " with a blue parasol . It is not first course The would , other each have could papers the copy best would from chance receive the of other accounts increasing , but the sli its ghtl one sale y that varied . got it intend Some to stup avoid id the persons interference , devoid of of the imag police ination . I , may answer ask that how is I be my i carried business aiii on \ . without niuiuui I do not some mean loss to of say life th but at the then Company what , could ad

    _> v . v , ^ u jxx auuig iuoj yji lite ; , L / Llt kiicix , , VVUdl an till clU - - latter mirable could opportunity either be for passive would or -be active criminals , as of or course suicides informa !—the - tion could be supplied to or withheld from the police at the should Company discover ' s pleasure any . thing It is of against their own all precedent unaided efforts that the police no reward he would could get much tempt more any member y keeping of his the own Company counsel to . peach , , as pany pany Then furnish iurnish , what ! ! a All All nucleus those those for tiresome tiresome all consp knots knots iracies of of timid timid would assassins assassins such a Com who who

    bung as to involve over their much work , or do it with loss such of life nervous would recklessness have their pulsiveness energies concentrated organised unnecessary , , their being excesses under tempered the control , , and of their such im an - faction admirable , if they Company failed , and in their they hi vyould gh political have the aims melanchol , that they y satis had - creatures at least ministered . In fact to the del ight hest and office edification of Government of their fellow is to - , g emp w *** j ^ rAVjr loy vice » 1 V \* in in ill the Wli ^ service J ^ I that V IUV Parliament of \ J * . virtue V 1 X 114 V *; , I X mi think L-lAllltV I X a CXUL m not XXUl pre JJIC " -

    money sumptuo for us the support ing of such an excellent ght Company vote a , formed of of on procuring such enlightened the benefit and of liberal the public princip at the , with cost of sole their object own gems individual of invention prejudices and , and ingenuity perhaps which comforts adorn . Th the e an scattered nals of crime developed , and designs which are of but the diml individual y recognisable , would be in burnished the imperfectly up by the reall unit y worth ed talent y to take of such their a Company lace in the as crow I propose n of those , till they martyrs were who have suffered for the benefits WiJ which they sought to confer

    IT 14 V 11 M TV * fc 7 U J . &\*& V * V * 1 U 1 bllV « - * W 11 ^ * 4 VV 11 LV 11 bXXV * V OUUgUl L ^ J VsVJllXWl me on an away obstinatel ; I feel y already ungrateful as if society I were . chairman But my enthusiasm , with a salary carries of were , £ 5 , 000 no a longer year , besides such a thing my profits as a dull from paper shares — . as I if feel the as des if there pairing cry of " No News " could never again chill the heart of the Whatever lonely bac be helor the , fate as he of other sits over monarchs his cup , the of Reign tea of and Sensation Times . is established for ever J

• Citation
  • Tomahawk (1867-1870), June 13, 1868, page 243, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse-os.kdl.kcl.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/ttw_13061868/page/9/