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Tomahawk (1867-1870), 9th January 1869, Edition 1 of 1, Page 19

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    • Tim AMATEURS J THE AMATEURS7/ By an Ex-Amateur of Two Feet.
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      Januitr?S> *$&& The Tomahawk. 19

      januitr ? S > * $ && THE TOMAHAWK . 19

      Tim Amateurs J The Amateurs7/ By An Ex-Amateur Of Two Feet.

      Tim AMATEURS J THE AMATEURS 7 / By an Ex-Amateur of Two Feet .

      The Author Amateur.—Macauley Fitz-Muddle...

      The Author Amateur . —Macauley Fitz-Muddle . The Death and Burial of " The Hercules ? in I a s arrived tate of spirituous at the newspaper excitement office . He and was foun ( I ' m d the sorry publisher to say ) mutter very " 'toxd something cated , " a about nd in it being swer t " o al ' rightsh question *—he s coul said d onl he'd y " seen My curiosity —Misht was Muddle piqued —allrightsh by his mysterious . " announcement , and in I hastene smoking d into a Manilla the Editor cheroot ' s room , and . There paring I found his finger Cawley -nails engaged . He ., receive fi How d me do , with old man a nod ? , and Sorry said to -r- trouble you to come heaw today . Fact is , don ' t want anybody . Turned * The Hercules ' into I a sat weekl down y . and Deuc stared id good at ideaw Caw , ley isn in ' t it blank ? " astonishment ! Turn thought a daily was too paper preposterous into a weekl ! y at a moment's notice ! The the " p Ya ublic ' , " liave he continued got bored , puffing at the f ideaw away of at a his dail Manilla y papaw , . " thi Yes nk - terday only sold three of * ThHercules ? and one of the fellaws papaw who bought if th Vere it was only my a cousin new , one who . sa And id he he 'd said like to it was buy beastl a penny y ! for Worse two than years the on othaws ce . He ! can But be that awfully ' s just nasty like him sometimes "! I cut , and m he w But as aw , m f dear y nasty fellow about , " I ' Th remonstrated ' Hercules ? , " " you think you can " I turn don a 't daily know into , " said a weekl he , cooll y at y a , " mo but ment I'm ' s going notice to V try . " idea " Wel of a l , weekly but come paper , be 1 business " -like . . Here / tell me what's your mou .. " M stache y ideaw . " of Well a weekl , it ought y papaw to be ? " a he nice drawled sort of , and a papaw stroked . Yes his , I think " What that do ' s you about mean the ideaw by a nice —a nice sort sort of a of paper a papaw ?" . ' ' " Oh , much the same as other fellaws mean—nice , you &

      uuw . ... be " a Co little me , p old lainer fellow . " , if you really are to carry out this idea , do into " Well a corner , then by , " my said importunity Cawley desperatel , "Yd have y , feeling all sorts himself of things forced about in it .. West I'd have Diddlesex a lot Extension about the Stock weather ( I , ' ve and got I'd som have e money a lot in the concern ) , and , in fact , I'd have , lots of things in it—lots of I things was obliged ! " to content myself . with this very vague order of the and day a dashing , as at this hat moment hurried into a gentleman the room , in and a deposited long moustache on the table a large MS . book . towards " The me Editor . of \ The Hercules . ? I believe , " he said , looking much " Tm pride the . Editor of ' Th' Hercules ? " observed Cawley , with name " Pardon ' s Binks me — , I Captain beg , " cried Binks he — of and the long I bring moustache a letter . " My of introduction . " He handed Cawley a note couched in the following terms : " Farthing Earthquake * Office , Sir , —In answer to your letter containing a riddle commenc-Farthing ing " When Earthquake is a door not is not a door a comic , " I beg paper to , inform and that you therefore that the your joke is unsuited to its pages . I regret very much that I in am a position not Editor to unfold of Punch the or beauties the Tomahawk of your , witticism that I might to an be admiring public . I am , Sir , Yours faithfully J . C . , Gutterink Editor . , Captain Binks . " Well , " said Cawley . much " Oh for , I went sake to the that Editor his of Punch was comic , and he and regretted not satirical very . And when my I called upon the paper Editor of the Tomahawkhe ,

      The Author Amateur.—Macauley Fitz-Muddle...

      told was satir me that ical he and was not awfull comic . y sorry He for my me sake a letter that to the his Editor paper was of ' the yack best -o -Lantem thing he ? had howev ever er , heard an gave d in he his put life it ! " in and said it can " R I eally do for , " you said ?" Cawley , gradually becoming bored , " what " I " ' v " Well e come , " said to make Binks you , seizing laugh ! " his MS . book and opening it , " I " ' m Pray sure don you ' t wil trouble l pardon yourself me , when " replie I tell d Cawley you I'm , w rathaw ith a yawn busy , now—" " Oh , but you must let me read this—it will make you laugh so W ! e Now both listen shook . our When heads was to Napoleon imply that most we were impoverished ignorant ? of " the cried proper — answer . Binks , his face overflowing with smiles , ** When he was out at Elbow . " Hawker roared , but stopped suddenly when he found we were wher neither e they of us sent smiling the first , and Napoleon explained before , " Out the at Battle Elba , you of Water know - , loo . " , were He oblige looke d d to so p summon iteously up at us a faint that out attempt of comp at liment a simper to" . him Thi we s courtesy on leavin pleased the lace him amazingly , so much so that he cried out g p , " Cawl Ah , I kneuu showed l should the tact make on this you occasion laugh !" not to him at prise twe I nty ey must guineas admit . a-week to write riddles ; much engage to my surme After by , the he ar ha m d and gone walked , my friend me , ou t . ing finished his cigar , took On the day appointed for the appearance of the new weekly , most I was disheartening at the office attempting materials . To to draw explain up my a contents difficulties bill clearl from y now I will affixed give you thereto the affiche for the as first it appeared time : — , with my private notes

      One Shilling ? - i THE HERCULES MERCURY . 2 Saturday , 30 th December-MADE . IN HEAVEN . 3 Among the ice w Stranger than Fiction « DEAD ! DEAD I I DEAD ! ! ! 6 Tied to the Horse ! 7 Purple and Fine . Linen in Excelsis < a LITTLE STRANGERS 19 Office , 1869 Strand , W . O .

      as ( he I . ) said Cawley that it insisted didn't upon pay at charg a penny ing one . shilling for " The Hwcules " bored ( 2 . ) with Change the name of name of an " The idea Herailes of Cawl " . ey ' s . He said the people were " The ( 3 . ) Times This was " of Tuesday really onl . We a list put them the in marria as they ges had that alread appeared y been in set ( 4 up . ) . Really The title the , advertisement " Made in Heaven of Cawley , " was ' s mama mine . ' s pastrycook . The title ( 5 , . ) " This Among was the composed Ice . '" was of mine a few . " paragraphs cut from respectable than papers Fiction , and . there " fore true . I thought I might call truth "Stranger ( 6 . ) The " Deaths " from " The T / mes" of Tuesday . My title . paper ( 7 . ) . This The was expense Cawley was ' s great notion , and . He the would matter have filled a cab about fare list pages in the of with our space a cab . fare He list said in that it . " " I he gave ' sd heard the title a . fellaw say he'd buy a papaw ( ( 8 9 . . ) ) The The other " Births advertisem " Tue ent sday — ' that s «• Times of a Jew . " tailor Once . more My — title my . title . was I very the much monthly regret , when to say " The that Hercules the weekl " became y was a a failure magazine . So . quite It didn languish ' t do well ed when even as it a became cheap rival incorporated to "Bradshaw with , " " and The Penny Christian . " It soon left Cawley ' s hands , and when I b la o ok , e e dited of by it " The was Monstrous appearing Dance in the . " shape of a comic song and As bumptious for Cawley , but he is he still has as not " pe started rky " as another ever ; he paper is conceite . From d what his father told me I don ' t think he ever will . Bidding notice you I write adieu until I present the " Amateur Clerk" to your , HERE ENDETH THE STORY OF THE AMATEUR AUTHOR .

  • Citation
    • Tomahawk (1867-1870), Jan. 9, 1869, page 19, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse-os.kdl.kcl.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/ttw_09011869/page/11/